Not having a voice to scream what we feel. What a nightmare just thinking about it. And yet we don’t always use that voice to express what we feel. But the opportunity to do so is comforting. This possibility of interiorising, of hiding is also a relief. All too often, it’s too hard to explain. To simply explain to others and sometimes to ourselves what we feel.
The thought of no longer having access to it makes me want to shout my feelings louder to the world. To finally make myself heard by everyone. I’ve always been afraid to scream, but maybe it’s time to let it out before it’s too late.
I think having a certain body type will make me happy or simply myself. Does that mean that the body I have now, the one that doesn’t work for me, is not exactly mine? Does it mean that I’m not myself with that body? I could be if I accepted myself as I am with an imperfect body. These imperfections make me different. They set me apart from any other normalized, identical body.
I have interiorised a model of slimness that must necessarily correspond to beauty. Any other model is not appropriate. It is of course a very reductive pattern. My mind restricts its standards to make me feel guilty about not having a perfect body. Don’t eat too much of this or don’t eat any more to lose what you’ve just eaten says the voice in my head.
Small breasts, thin thighs become an obsession. A kind of unhealthy quest to pursue to save me from these imperfections that I cannot leave completely. They will always be there and that’s not a bad thing. We think that our value is due to the size of our hips, but it’s not true. I’m not saying that appearance isn’t important. That would be a denial of our times. I’m just saying that we’re much more than a body and that the body we devalue can be loved for what it is. We can enjoy it.
We can start by stopping torturing ourselves by comparing us to bodies that are certainly different from ours. The thing is, they are different. Which means that we have a different body too and we should be proud of that. We’re not the same. I say: For more differences! That’s what makes us attractive.